Another day has passed. What have I achieved?
A large part of the day was spent crying. Yes, shedding tears while listening to music. Strangely, when I wanted to talk to Gordan he suddenly popped up through msn and asked how was I coping. From our conversation, it appears to me that he is finally experiencing what it truly means to feel alive for once and the joy of being alive. I'm glad for him despite my circumstances, it's been a day which I've been waiting for so long for this dear friend of mine.
Last night's attempt to make a connection with the outside world failed miserably. People who don't have depression just simply cannot understand what they are dealing with. An example is as stated:
A normal person is at equilibrium.
A depressed person is one at a far end of equilibrium.
How can you use rules that apply at equilibrium and expect it to work for someone whose far from equilibrium? Things don't work that way. There's a different set of rules that governs the far from equilibrium.
The conversation left me feeling more frustrated in a self-reinforcing cycle, hence I decided that it was far better off not to continue the conversation.
What appeared to have helped was the participation on the forums. It's easier to identify with and relate to others who are also suffering from it.
Then I ask myself why bother to go in there and encourage others to battle on when I'm on the verge of giving up on my own life? Ironic isn't it?
A large part of the day was spent crying. Yes, shedding tears while listening to music. Strangely, when I wanted to talk to Gordan he suddenly popped up through msn and asked how was I coping. From our conversation, it appears to me that he is finally experiencing what it truly means to feel alive for once and the joy of being alive. I'm glad for him despite my circumstances, it's been a day which I've been waiting for so long for this dear friend of mine.
Last night's attempt to make a connection with the outside world failed miserably. People who don't have depression just simply cannot understand what they are dealing with. An example is as stated:
A normal person is at equilibrium.
A depressed person is one at a far end of equilibrium.
How can you use rules that apply at equilibrium and expect it to work for someone whose far from equilibrium? Things don't work that way. There's a different set of rules that governs the far from equilibrium.
The conversation left me feeling more frustrated in a self-reinforcing cycle, hence I decided that it was far better off not to continue the conversation.
What appeared to have helped was the participation on the forums. It's easier to identify with and relate to others who are also suffering from it.
Then I ask myself why bother to go in there and encourage others to battle on when I'm on the verge of giving up on my own life? Ironic isn't it?
posted by A Shade of Purple at 10:03 PM
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