The ghost of yesterday

You were there watching me fall apart, seeing me through the lowest point of my life.

You were there, crying and asking her what you could do for me to make things better.

For someone who really cared, you were always there.

You left a part of yourself in me, and it did change me.

You took a part of me with you, and it did change you.

We both have the same reason for not staying in contact.

I still remember vividly what I had promised you, I am trying but I ain't perfect.

You wanted me to have a shot at happiness

That was why you told him how else to treat me better, and what not to do.

I do know all these little things which you did for me though you tried to keep me in the dark.

You always intervene into my life when you know I can't carry on anymore.

I felt so lost in the next few years.

I didn't know what to do next, I didn't know what to think.

I thought I was happy, until life proves me wrong.

What I had did, was just to blindfold myself, until life took that blindfold away.

When that happened, what I saw was a glimpse of past eternity that we used to share.

I wished I could just see you as a friend and nothing more.

You had meant a world to me.

I would rather carry this burden and grant you your last wish.

After you, I told them that I had a fragmented love.

They don't seem to realise until they've learnt to see what I had meant.

And they've always asked me why I couldn't be fairer.

I ask God that question too why things couldn't be fairer.

I tried to give myself a shot at happiness too, but I'm just going in circles.

The battle that I can't conquer is myself.

My grief has transcend through time.

Time isn't a factor here, it cannot contain what I feel.

When love comes knocking on my door, I tried to give myself a second chance.

Somehow I could never fully redeem myself out of the past.

Somehow you will always know that I would just clam up, and the next thing I would do is to just shut myself away.

I would run away and not feel a thing.

In the same way just like how I ran from you, time and over again.

So many second chances had slipped away and I never looked back at them.

I never regretted though sometimes you felt that things could have been better for me.

You've always wanted the best for me.

You told me to believe in myself just like how you would believe in me.

You encouraged me to try for university even though I had no faith that I would be selected.

You told me not to give up when bad news of my parent's financial problem and my back operation came crashing down on me just a week before my exams.

It wasn't surprising for you when I told you that I might had found someone who could be a potential fit and I had wanted to try. The very next moment, I suddenly froze and decided to shut myself away.

I've came to accept that it is hard for others to accept someone who is broken.

Therefore I never broke down the walls and barriers that kept me safe from the world outside.

Perhaps, it is better this way. I've started learning to appreciate the peace that I could have on my own.

And I'm able to see why you prefer to be alone.

PpD