I had dinner with him.
Over the table, we talked like previously in the past. Nothing much had changed except that years had gone by and there were a few more white strands on his head.
He told me that he had plans to get married with his current girlfriend.
At that very moment, honestly I did regret. I know him well enough to know the kind of person that he is. The chemistry was still pretty much there despite after so many years.
He just brought out the instincts in me, I felt comfortable opening myself up emotionally to him. I shared with him how life had made me distant to people who were once closed to my heart and he understood the reasons why things had turned out that way. I felt understood by someone whom I am able to trust my heart with. Knowing how much he dotes on his girlfriend, she is indeed lucky.
The lines were clear. He is already taken and I do hope that he will be happy.
I find myself running emotionally dry. Like a desert.
Then he said that it is alright to let it out.
I'm so used to letting it out alone at night, when there's no one else to see my pain. Sometimes I find myself unable to show any emotions in front of others. I've became increasingly resistant, cold and cruel. Yet right now, coming face to face with my needs, I find myself breaking down, well knowing that what is inside is who I really am.
I am pushing people away from me, not letting them get close to me easily, not letting them in.
I shy myself away from emotional intimacy with others. At times, I rather live without it. I don't see much of a need to have them around me.
Yet at the same time, I can't live without them.
I want someone who is able to make the effort to be there for me when things happen, someone who is dependable emotionally and someone that I can trust and feel comfortable enough to open up to him emotionally. I've been burnt before and I won't ever easily let myself get burnt again.
PpD
I was offered a merchandising position for one of my company today.
Mum called up to tell me she's at the hospital.
I am a dead carcass just waiting for the circling vultures to feast on whatever rotten meat that's left.
Over the table, we talked like previously in the past. Nothing much had changed except that years had gone by and there were a few more white strands on his head.
He told me that he had plans to get married with his current girlfriend.
At that very moment, honestly I did regret. I know him well enough to know the kind of person that he is. The chemistry was still pretty much there despite after so many years.
He just brought out the instincts in me, I felt comfortable opening myself up emotionally to him. I shared with him how life had made me distant to people who were once closed to my heart and he understood the reasons why things had turned out that way. I felt understood by someone whom I am able to trust my heart with. Knowing how much he dotes on his girlfriend, she is indeed lucky.
The lines were clear. He is already taken and I do hope that he will be happy.
I find myself running emotionally dry. Like a desert.
Then he said that it is alright to let it out.
I'm so used to letting it out alone at night, when there's no one else to see my pain. Sometimes I find myself unable to show any emotions in front of others. I've became increasingly resistant, cold and cruel. Yet right now, coming face to face with my needs, I find myself breaking down, well knowing that what is inside is who I really am.
I am pushing people away from me, not letting them get close to me easily, not letting them in.
I shy myself away from emotional intimacy with others. At times, I rather live without it. I don't see much of a need to have them around me.
Yet at the same time, I can't live without them.
I want someone who is able to make the effort to be there for me when things happen, someone who is dependable emotionally and someone that I can trust and feel comfortable enough to open up to him emotionally. I've been burnt before and I won't ever easily let myself get burnt again.
PpD
I was offered a merchandising position for one of my company today.
Mum called up to tell me she's at the hospital.
I am a dead carcass just waiting for the circling vultures to feast on whatever rotten meat that's left.
posted by A Shade of Purple at 5:27 AM
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