I felt awful inside after having read what was written.

Sometimes I wished I wouldn't feel all these.

And I would remember your voice in my head, with tears in your eyes, those words were spoken with a genuine heart. And I remember the fear in me everytime when I have to make a choice, a decision. You truly did understand but I was blinded and I couldn't see. Now everytime when I look back, I feel the pain in my heart because I knew you would have been the one for me.

I don't know why I had come to see things your way even though you're not part of my life anymore. You knew all my weaknesses and was there trying to hold on to me, so that I will not break apart, so that I will not fall apart. There are words that I long to say but there's just no room for such words anymore.

You were worried that no one would take care of me after you left. There's always been someone but somehow I lost myself in the past. The bits of me which you took with you, I've locked them up. I don't intend for anyone to replace you neither am I looking forward to someone new. I am thankful for the kind treatment that I don't deserve and for all the love and effort of another.

I hope for an ending someday.
Perhaps God might want to turn my heart away.
Then I'll be able to accept this someone new.
And fulfill what was being promised with everything anew.

When I couldn't bear it anymore
I hit the delete button once and for all
The last remaining strength was all I had