Things happen so fast I could barely stop and catch my breathe, to give myself a split second to roll through my mind the series of events. Just like a movie being screened, everything is being fastforwarded, there isn't a rewind button or a pause button which I could jam so that I would be stuck at a second of a flicker.

Mixed feelings is all that I feel with regards to having make choices which will in turn affect those around me. At times I am torn, besides being able to discern the ethically right choices, I wonder if my own personal will will ever come to play.

Which is more important?
The happiness of those around you?
Or your own personal happiness?

I've always had a troubled spirit, one that doesn't rest with the peace of the night.

Yet another part of me is like a reborn phoenix, waiting to burst free into the air, soaring majestically while arrogantly displaying my self-centeredness and tyranny.

Yet withing me, is a living contradiction.
Within my heart, is a blackhole, sucking everything into it.

It is hard for anyone to understand the meaning of self hatred.

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I want to build up a competitive dota team.
It's a dream which is within a grasping distant reality.
I want to soar high about the sky, looking down at all men like as though they were ants.
Sometimes I learn how not to fear no more, that through death I could live.
For nothing holds me back anymore.

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And a sudden breaking news.
Time stood still.
The ferocious pounding of my heart faded into emptiness... into silence...
I could cry no more.
I find myself reaching out for what was previously defined as reality... and I am slowly sinking... slowly fading...

PpD