I had another dream again last night.

This time it was about speeding down the highway, beating the traffic and ending up crashing when the light turned red.

I couldn't stop in time, though I had jammed the breaks.

I wonder if this is a sign that my life is heading on too fast and too furious.

However, I can't be bothered to think.

Waking up feeling breathless and having a massive diahorrea didn't make me feel any better.

Being choronically ill disrupts life.

I can't eat "normal" food.

I can't do "normal" things.

Everything has got to be done in a specific way.

Like my diet consist of plain congee almost every day.

Like no sleeping late or my illness will lash back at me the very next day.

Cause and immediate effect.

That's how I would like to describe it.

I watch the people around me getting on with their lives.

Doing the things which I can't do.

I'm not that strong at times.

Sometimes I would think it's just best for me to pack up my stuff n just check into the hospital for good.