It doesn't pay to be nice. But nice doesn't mean there's nothing to pay.

She couldn't feel love. She wonder what is called love.
No matter how hard she try, he doesn't seem to get it...

She sat at the back of the car, while him and his bud was at the front seat.
The sad songs from the player mocked at her misery, while she tasted her own tears.
The best thing he could come out with was after they had stepped out of the car and he asked,"Why are you so emo?"

She felt like crying even more after he had said that.
Couldn't he be a little more caring?
Couldn't he feel a little bit more, not just for her, but also for the people around?
The only thing that he can see is him and himself and how to satisfy himself...

What about her needs?
Does he care?
What about her emotional needs?
Does he care?
Does he even know, see or feel her needs?

How does a person express love?

Is it all about money?
Buying things that a person need like food.
Buying things that a person might want or is it being there for the person emotionally?

Earlier on, she wept in the bathroom, but the floor was covered with puddles of blood. She was in pain emotionally.

And guess what, he could still ask her if she was going out and even telling her that he's won't miss a movie outing with his friends to catch Fantastic Four because he's dying to watch it. What she needed was to have someone to take care of her emotionally and physically...

In the many areas which he had failed her time and over again, someone else (M..) came to fill up the gap.
So much for all the empty words.
It cut up her heart like a knife slowly slitting through her flesh, ripping up her heart with every carefully manipulated stroke.
Yet he stubbornly refuse to learn from the past.

A death of his own flesh and blood.
A death of another who had once loved him deeply.

Isn't this enough for a normal person to change for the better?

And so, the next moment, he asked if she loved him. The answer was clear cut but he doesn't seem to know. She felt like throwing back the very same question to him. Does he love her? As from what she knows, it doesn't seem to be. With all his dismissive actions and behavior, she cannot feel it.

What is love to him?

Is it just for her to constantly sacrifice for him?
No matter the cost? No matter the price?
There is no sacrifice without pain.
For his own selfish desires so that he can be free to do whatever he pleases with no sense of responsibility and commitment to his loved ones?

Love to him is when he owns the love but he is not willing to make the needed sacrifices for her.

Is love to him when he can play dota 365 days a year, 52 weeks a year, 7 days a week, 12 hours a day, 60 minutes an hour, 60 seconds a minute without her presence?

Love to him is for him to call it quits whenever they have different viewpoints on a any issues and for him to throw her out of the house as he pleases even when she is ill.

What a love.

With her ill health, she isn't able to work. But for someone with a well-able body, he choses otherwise. He said to her,"Work is not a necessity for me." Then what about the future? It looks bleak to her. She wonder why he is capable of saying such a thing.

And guess what, when she mentions about planning for the future and being responsible towards their future, he can come up such words,"I can choose to starve but let you eat." Can this actually be prevented if a well-able body chooses to work? If her body is better, healthier and stronger, she'll be working hard because she looks towards the future and she doesn't want her family to suffer like the way she did.

Will she not choose to support him or them (her loved ones)?



I placed down my pen struggling to continue...


Thinking about...
The sacrifices that she has made.
The tears that she has shed.
The pain that she has felt.
All seems nothing to him...















PS. If a third party is reading this, he or she would be laughing at this foolish girl who choose to love such a person because obviously this person doesn't love her at all.