So much for all the talk about rebuilding whatever little bit of confidence when everything just gets flushed down the drain all over again.

I'm sick and tired of being here... Stuck in this family. More than half the time, I'm thinking what the hell am I even doing here since they hate me so much. This life is no better than death since they hate me to the core.

It's not surprising that hell doesn't want me too.
Since I don't belong to this darn world and I don't belong to the dead where am I suppose to be?

In the end, it still comes down to the same place, a world of indifference. So that I'll stop feeling all this pain and just get on with life.. Just wasting every second... Just waiting till the day I am finally dead. And that's a moment for me to rejoice.

I'm so cynical towards this place called Earth that I don't even think I can ever fall in love. I don't even want others to be there when I cry. I don't seem to need anyone now these days. I guess all these comes along when u are used to crying alone. Crying behind the monitor as I type this out. I simply do not give a damn anymore.

I can even see myself, hands stained with blood, their blood. And it gives me a sadistic satisfaction seeing them cringe in pain, begging at my feet for mercy.

Evil thoughts, I do not deny.

I can see myself stuffing food up my father's anal and then disembowel him alive.

Angry thoughts, I am hungry, starving and blood thirsty.

My parents did a great job at raising a murderer.

While I sit here with tears rolling down and mocking myself in front of an audience called the world.

I love my twisted world, I wished I had the guts like May.

She had the guts to kill, in order to sew together the perfect friend she always wanted.

I wished I had the same courage as her... The courage to kill, in order to create my own world of perfection.