A letter to someone out there
Dear X,
You've been asking me this question. And I think it's time to sum it all up. Why am I striving so hard for? What have I become? What did I achieve in these few years.
I will not forget the day I stepped into the office and I was greeted by this remark,"You're just an average student." Those words shook me. Such undue treatment was a vast discrepancy from those days when I was taking triple science at JC, when we were considered the "cream of the crop." It made me into someone always pushing and striving to overcome my limits. To excel, to outperform, to outshine.
Comparison and competition is inevitable in Singapore. It was a culture in my family to compete with each other in terms of education, social standing, work, salary. Everything matters. I was a letdown, especially after stopping JC. I was a fallen angel in their eyes. One that failed to shine. An unpolished diamond that had failed to be refined under the testings of fire.
Now I am desperately seeking for a chance to carve a road out just to redeem myself out of a fallen past. To prove to the world that I'm not just any rotten apple on the roadside. To prove to people that whatever they can do, I will do not just equally the same, but even better.
This is why A levels had always been my own personal obstacle that I must overcome for myself. Time was never an issue here, I'm never concerned with age (unless you are refering to the time value of money now that's a different issue)
This is the reason why I am so looking forward to the polytechnic's post graduate job survey when I can fill up the amount on the paper and prove it to them that I am not worth as what they think I previously did. It's the same reason why you would actually strive so hard just so that one day, you can throw the darn certificate into their shocked faces and tell them this,"I made it and thanks for telling me that I couldn't" I can understand that, as it's something that is motivating me to push myself so hard to achieve what I want.
This is the reason why I am actually looking forward to new year gathering next year, so that I can throw that diploma into their faces and shut their mouths up once and for all,"Oh I'm only earning $XXXX, and I've only got a diploma." It's my way of telling them that I've made it so far because I'm capable and better than what you think I previously was.
I've changed, I do agree. I don't take my future as easy as compared to the past me. I don't take a step forward these days without thinking about the implications. I work for the sake of redemption, to shut the mouths up on those who previously put me down. I don't care what other people think of me. In a sense, I'm sick of all the hyprocrisy and fake concern of people who are just waiting to eat me up, put me down, use me for their next stepping stone. I'm tired of a world of endless burdens and expectations.
It is a broken world out there, with broken people and broken lives. How many of us are truly freed to make choices that are not bounded by circumstances or expecations? How many of us are truly freed to make choices out of our own desires and dreams.
Not everyone is born with a golden spoon in his/her mouth. Not everyone can afford to sit at home and yet still get paid. Not everyone can be sheltered from all the troubles and evils of the world.
And not everyone can be the same after experiencing changes with time.
PpD
You've been asking me this question. And I think it's time to sum it all up. Why am I striving so hard for? What have I become? What did I achieve in these few years.
I will not forget the day I stepped into the office and I was greeted by this remark,"You're just an average student." Those words shook me. Such undue treatment was a vast discrepancy from those days when I was taking triple science at JC, when we were considered the "cream of the crop." It made me into someone always pushing and striving to overcome my limits. To excel, to outperform, to outshine.
Comparison and competition is inevitable in Singapore. It was a culture in my family to compete with each other in terms of education, social standing, work, salary. Everything matters. I was a letdown, especially after stopping JC. I was a fallen angel in their eyes. One that failed to shine. An unpolished diamond that had failed to be refined under the testings of fire.
Now I am desperately seeking for a chance to carve a road out just to redeem myself out of a fallen past. To prove to the world that I'm not just any rotten apple on the roadside. To prove to people that whatever they can do, I will do not just equally the same, but even better.
This is why A levels had always been my own personal obstacle that I must overcome for myself. Time was never an issue here, I'm never concerned with age (unless you are refering to the time value of money now that's a different issue)
This is the reason why I am so looking forward to the polytechnic's post graduate job survey when I can fill up the amount on the paper and prove it to them that I am not worth as what they think I previously did. It's the same reason why you would actually strive so hard just so that one day, you can throw the darn certificate into their shocked faces and tell them this,"I made it and thanks for telling me that I couldn't" I can understand that, as it's something that is motivating me to push myself so hard to achieve what I want.
This is the reason why I am actually looking forward to new year gathering next year, so that I can throw that diploma into their faces and shut their mouths up once and for all,"Oh I'm only earning $XXXX, and I've only got a diploma." It's my way of telling them that I've made it so far because I'm capable and better than what you think I previously was.
I've changed, I do agree. I don't take my future as easy as compared to the past me. I don't take a step forward these days without thinking about the implications. I work for the sake of redemption, to shut the mouths up on those who previously put me down. I don't care what other people think of me. In a sense, I'm sick of all the hyprocrisy and fake concern of people who are just waiting to eat me up, put me down, use me for their next stepping stone. I'm tired of a world of endless burdens and expectations.
It is a broken world out there, with broken people and broken lives. How many of us are truly freed to make choices that are not bounded by circumstances or expecations? How many of us are truly freed to make choices out of our own desires and dreams.
Not everyone is born with a golden spoon in his/her mouth. Not everyone can afford to sit at home and yet still get paid. Not everyone can be sheltered from all the troubles and evils of the world.
And not everyone can be the same after experiencing changes with time.
PpD
posted by A Shade of Purple at 5:09 AM
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