My desert

Sometimes when you try so hard and it doesn't work out the way you want to, you just don't feel like trying anymore.

That's what indifference is all about.

I've built a rather cosy and comfort zone in my little home that lies on the lands of indifference. Sometimes I rather retreat there on my own, leaving my thoughts to myself.

I don't feel great, but neither does it worsen any emotion. Everything seems to be in a standstill in a world of indifference. Things from the world and of the world just can't seem to affect you anymore and neither do you try to impact the world.

It's like having a protective layer of forcefield around you 24 hrs 7 days a week.

Time doesn't really exist in the world of indifference.
What is able to make a difference then?

I felt I had lost sight on those that would leave an impression or an impact.
The oasis that I saw on the hot stony desert was merely an illusion which my mind had played on me.

Gradually I came to love isolation.
The feeling of loneliness fades away once you start getting used to being alone.

And there you realise that being alone and being lonely is nothing but just a fine line, similar yet worlds apart. I am reluctant to step out of this world which I've built singlehanded with my own bare hands over the world.

I dread going back to a world where there is the sun, and also the rain.

My desert of isolation is far more predictable.
In it, everything unwanted just burns...

Signing off,
PpD