Family ties are only worth SGD$1,500.

Till now you're still harping over that pathetic scholarship that I've gotten in year 1 during Singapore Poly.

Till now you still think that I am lying to you when I've already told you so many times that the finance department said that it will be credited back into your damn CPF account.

Today, 1 year after I had graduated, now you come and tell me that you've paid cash for my school fees.

Today, you had to call up all relatives and tell me that I am bad child.

If I am really so bad, why would I work 3 jobs while studying?

If I am really so bad, why would I spend my first salary getting you your damn bed for you to sleep on even though I need 1 very badly for myself.

To you I am always bad, rotten, unfilial, abnormal.

You make me turn a deaf ear to your words, because no matter how many times I cried everytime I hit a brick wall, no matter how many obstacles I face all these years, I am never good enough, even though I gave it my best shot, even though I had tried to hold it all together.

You just don't see it.

You just don't realize that you are making this home so dreadful for me.

You just don't understand that your negativity is affecting me all these years... like a silent radioactive atom.

You just don't believe that your disbelief isn't helping anyone.

All that you care is to tell everyone that I don't sleep at night, that I choose to work through the night, and neglecting my body.

Don't you even realize that I'm having insomnia?
I lie on my bed, freaking awake, unable to sleep for 5 straight hours.
I feel zombified, my body is tired but my mind isn't really to give it up.
And in my mind, all the thoughts are just running about, thinking how should I get past all these things?
How do I work through things?

All you can complain is that I come home late.

But you don't realize that I've been working from day to day, going for meetings, attending seminars, meeting people.

The things that you want to tell the whole world is that I spend money.

Yeah I do, I have to eat 3 meals a day. I have to take care of my own insurance, bills, expenses. Even spending 6 bucks on a decent meal once a week has become a crime.

You do make it seem that even Dad n I are obligated to follow your diet, your lifestyle and stick to your code of beliefs.

Did I take a single cent from you when I started doing my own clothes?
I'm paying for the materials myself.

I don't see you telling relatives about this.

Did I not help out with my own bills when I had a stable income?

I don't see you telling relatives about this.

And now because I'm sick and I can't work, you make it sound like I'm some big time leecher or something. Just because Dad is helping me out with a budget of $150 a month doesn't make me a leecher because I'm NOT sitting around and doing NOTHING even though I know that I AM SICK.

I'll rather die gritting my teeth and at least give myself a chance.

I won't let you defeat me.

Not now.

Not ever.