In this winding path, there is only one thing which I seek.
Which is to understand.
Maybe I am not able to fathom the mysteries of life.
Or how or why there are many things beyond my control.

I might have to learn to accept that I might not have a normal life like everyone else.
Not that I haven't tried, but every single time when I set out to challenge myself, to tell myself that all things are possible, things just turn out worse.
Hence it has been a futile attempt in the search for the truth.
Having struggled with the questions of what's wrong with me, and why can't I be like others.

The truth is just simple. Some things are never meant to be.
I'm not losing hope here, nor wallowing in self pity or despair.
But I am just stating a truth. A universal truth.

I took some time off from work to help out at the shop for the past couple of days.
Halloween was a success, business was good and that's an accomplishment.
It was fun, eating bacon bits with one hand and carrying basket full of tidbits, candies, chocolates in the other. Throwing ideas around on how we should get things done. Keeping to our price range and reminding the boys not to overspend since they always have a tendancy to forget such stuff. Then we started packing the goodie bags while singing to songs on the radio. Dinner was a simple affair with a couple of friends and plenty of burgers, brainstorming on the monthly promotions, discussing the pros and cons of each idea. Isn't this life? Shouldn't life be like this?

I love such simple pleasures of life, often which are being taken for granted by many others. After spending just 1 late night, I'm sick again. Ha, what's new?

Sometimes I wished he would learn to see things from my perspective. I've given my time and effort to you, but do you truly understand what do I need at this point of time? Are you expecting me to keep giving, or will you just tell me to head back home alone? To be honest with you, I can't keep giving like this, I need to spare a thought for my own health, for my future, for my parents. I cannot follow you and live your kind of life because it will kill me in the end. I'm being dragged by the strong ocean currents, stranded in the middle of nowhere...

I do not regret what I have done. It was well worth it going through the shittiest time in life with you. My heart rejoices that you've became a better person after trials. Like a diamond, it must be refined with fire. Will I be your final stop? I do not know.

I dreamt a dream. In my dream, I was waiting for someone to pick me up after work. A silver car stopped before me. I got on and placed my hands on his lap. My 3 year old daughter was sitting at the back and she became excited upon seeing me,"Mummy!" It made me smile. I wonder if this is how it feels like to be a parent. And there was this sense of unexplainable peace and joy which overwhelmed me. De ja vu? Somehow I never had the chance to see my husband's face, lol, till this day it remains as a mystery to me. With a big question mark just hanging right there. Well, good things in life are worth waiting for.