Adults and adolescence, or adults who are adolescents?
Adult Adolescence Behavior.
That was the topic of the day.
How all the factors came into play.
How upbringing and dysfunctional families can have such huge impacts on the lives of people.
I don't pretend that I know everything, but at least now I do have a better picture of all the underlying causes and the resulting behavioral traits.
The analogy given to me was 2 kids playing with building blocks.
The first kid failed and decides to give up, while the other kid keeps trying to find ways to rebuild.
And when the first kid walks away, the other kid is left with the building blocks and the question is what's next?
Yet you can't put all the blame on your environment just because you had a bad childhood.
Personal choices comes into play as well.
Instant gratification can cause a child to have low distress tolerance level, which results in the inability to cope with stress and problems, unable to handle rejections.
And because everything comes to them easily, other resulting character traits will include taking things for granted and quitting when the going gets tough.
Since such and individual would more than often lack problem solving traits like resilience and the ability to withstand pressure.
Some people who I think exemplify adult adolescence are Keith Aldrich who changed his identity repeatedly throughout his life, and the substance abuser from "Stuck in the Wrong Decade" who remained at the emotional age of 13 until he was 40, and even Dr. Sarkin who loses a lot of his adult brain for a while after an accident.
Adult Adolescence is the primary issue.
Bipolar is a secondary factor.
Complicated is the key word.
Then the counselor threw the question to me:
You are aware that this will be a continuous cycle, are you then mentally prepared for it?
And the counselor proceed to explain to me why adult adolescence behavior is detrimental to relationships.
1) The woman, who tends to have a nurturing nature, will want to fix things, but the man doesn't want to/see the need to.
Often than not, the mistake a woman will make in marriages is thinking or expecting that the man will change for her. Truth be told that if before marriage he is showing various traits, he does not see the need to change. Marriage is a form of acceptance on the woman's part with regards to the man's behavioral traits.
2) The ugly side of human nature.
Fundamentally, in relationships, a woman will want a husband, not a child.
It is emotionally taxing and confusing to be both a wife and a mother to a man. A woman cannot effectively emulate both roles. It requires 2 separate women to fill out the different roles.
The key word to marriage is stable.
Yes, after marriage, people's clothing changes, and their body changes, the stuff they surround themselves with when they have kids. For a good reason.
Our picture of adulthood is organized around what adults are when they have children of their own. So, what you are when you have children of your own, and reasonably so, is that you're not surprising. What you want to be for a kid, is you want to be reliable.
In the show, "Jobs That Take Over Your Life," Ira Glass goes through the five stages every week—about work—that people go through about death (denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance.) And I feel that way, too. Is this an indication of the inability to make the transition to an adult perspective on work, which is supposedly the final stage, of acceptance?
The thing that's so hard about sitting down and getting to work…if it's a job where you're sort of trying to prove yourself, and you want what you're doing to seem special to other people. It's so intense. And it's not because of a "not adult" relationship to work. It's because the entire project of work is a project in a way that a teenager would take on. It's completely done both as a labor of love and of proving oneself. And then once you enter into that territory, the stakes are so high, that it's something you're totally invested in, that it's so easy to fail.
Because even things that are eventually, in the end, pretty good—they usually don't get good until the last 10%, until 90% of the work is done. So in the first 90% of the work, it really is just, "How is this ever going to be anything but sucky?"
It's completely amorphous, and you can kind of picture it in areas where it might come out okay, but really, things are not looking hopeful for a really long time. At least if it's work that's hard enough that you feel challenged by it. And so, given that, it's just a different relationship to work.
Adult Adolescence Behavior.
That was the topic of the day.
How all the factors came into play.
How upbringing and dysfunctional families can have such huge impacts on the lives of people.
I don't pretend that I know everything, but at least now I do have a better picture of all the underlying causes and the resulting behavioral traits.
The analogy given to me was 2 kids playing with building blocks.
The first kid failed and decides to give up, while the other kid keeps trying to find ways to rebuild.
And when the first kid walks away, the other kid is left with the building blocks and the question is what's next?
Yet you can't put all the blame on your environment just because you had a bad childhood.
Personal choices comes into play as well.
Instant gratification can cause a child to have low distress tolerance level, which results in the inability to cope with stress and problems, unable to handle rejections.
And because everything comes to them easily, other resulting character traits will include taking things for granted and quitting when the going gets tough.
Since such and individual would more than often lack problem solving traits like resilience and the ability to withstand pressure.
Some people who I think exemplify adult adolescence are Keith Aldrich who changed his identity repeatedly throughout his life, and the substance abuser from "Stuck in the Wrong Decade" who remained at the emotional age of 13 until he was 40, and even Dr. Sarkin who loses a lot of his adult brain for a while after an accident.
Adult Adolescence is the primary issue.
Bipolar is a secondary factor.
Complicated is the key word.
Then the counselor threw the question to me:
You are aware that this will be a continuous cycle, are you then mentally prepared for it?
And the counselor proceed to explain to me why adult adolescence behavior is detrimental to relationships.
1) The woman, who tends to have a nurturing nature, will want to fix things, but the man doesn't want to/see the need to.
Often than not, the mistake a woman will make in marriages is thinking or expecting that the man will change for her. Truth be told that if before marriage he is showing various traits, he does not see the need to change. Marriage is a form of acceptance on the woman's part with regards to the man's behavioral traits.
2) The ugly side of human nature.
Fundamentally, in relationships, a woman will want a husband, not a child.
It is emotionally taxing and confusing to be both a wife and a mother to a man. A woman cannot effectively emulate both roles. It requires 2 separate women to fill out the different roles.
The key word to marriage is stable.
Yes, after marriage, people's clothing changes, and their body changes, the stuff they surround themselves with when they have kids. For a good reason.
Our picture of adulthood is organized around what adults are when they have children of their own. So, what you are when you have children of your own, and reasonably so, is that you're not surprising. What you want to be for a kid, is you want to be reliable.
In the show, "Jobs That Take Over Your Life," Ira Glass goes through the five stages every week—about work—that people go through about death (denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance.) And I feel that way, too. Is this an indication of the inability to make the transition to an adult perspective on work, which is supposedly the final stage, of acceptance?
The thing that's so hard about sitting down and getting to work…if it's a job where you're sort of trying to prove yourself, and you want what you're doing to seem special to other people. It's so intense. And it's not because of a "not adult" relationship to work. It's because the entire project of work is a project in a way that a teenager would take on. It's completely done both as a labor of love and of proving oneself. And then once you enter into that territory, the stakes are so high, that it's something you're totally invested in, that it's so easy to fail.
Because even things that are eventually, in the end, pretty good—they usually don't get good until the last 10%, until 90% of the work is done. So in the first 90% of the work, it really is just, "How is this ever going to be anything but sucky?"
It's completely amorphous, and you can kind of picture it in areas where it might come out okay, but really, things are not looking hopeful for a really long time. At least if it's work that's hard enough that you feel challenged by it. And so, given that, it's just a different relationship to work.
posted by A Shade of Purple at 11:05 AM
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