Tuning into: Ai wo hai shi ta by Tao Ze

Updates for the weekend:

1. I've been working during weekends (again)
2. Completed GBE politics and economic sections (which is due on monday)
3. Completed surveys for final year project (due on monday)
   
4. Caught up with sleep (on sunday)
5. Down with fever and cough (yes i'm still sick)

And someone close brought up the topic again:

What would you do if he dumped his girlfriend and came back for you?

Indeed this is a hypothetical question. Frankly speaking, when that person posed this question to me, I laughed. Laughed because I would think if the actual person ever asked me, I would ask him this instead,"Are you out of your mind?" And then I would start checking for symptons of fever.

Back to a more serious note.
I gave it some thought when I was alone.
Not that I haven't thought about it before, but I felt that there should be some thoughts which are better made known.

Firstly, given the way things have become and the way things are now, I will not choose to give it a second try.

Reasons being:

Things have turned out this way for a reason. I don't see a purpose in trying to change a past in which had already happened. The person who was involved did hurt me and I don't intend for any further possible damage onto my life and emotional wellbeing, as well as for those around me that care for me. (This is what I call responsibility and taking proper care of myself)

Next, he can choose to go back to who he is with now. Seriously, it's none of my concern. I will not be moved by whatever he says anymore. To him, perhaps, I would have already changed from a warm person to someone who doesn't even care for him anymore. I don't think it's a pity that things turned out this way. I stop struggling with myself to search for meaningless answers as to why, I'm happier going on with the flow of my life and learning new things along the way. I'm happier accepting that certain things will never have answers and seeing the beauty in moving on and rediscovering life keeps me going. Some stuff are better left unspoken. (Back to retorting at someone: Hey, I do know how to cherish my life.)

If we're meant to be friends, there's no need to try so hard just to keep the friendship going. If it requires so much effort just to even stay in contact, I think it's rather obvious that the friendship isn't even worth it. So no point being upset over something which was meant to be ended a long time ago.

Another point being brought up was this:

If love had died, it's not possible to rekindle it.
But if during the point of separation, there's still residue of feelings, it is possible to rekindle it.

Agree and yet I disagree.

I've known couples who had gone through a lot just to be together, and it did come to a point whereby love had died. How they managed to rekindle their love for each other is a series of events.

For the next sentence, my opinion is such:

It's 2 separate issues to have feelings for someone and deciding whether or not to pursue it.

You can have feelings for someone. But if you have already decided not to pursue it anymore, it simply can't be rekindled. Similarly, referencing back to the part on friendship, if you don't put in effort to maintain a friendship, it can't work out. Relationships are the same.

I've made my stand that I'm not going to pursue it anymore. I want to get on with my life now and just close this chapter and leave its past behind me. Life shouldn't come to a standstill just because I suffered a failure. What's important to me is this, I'm happy now, and I shouldn't allow you affect my happiness.

The things that I seek are simple. I just want to fall in love like every other girl there, get married and settle down. I want someone who is able to protect me, to be a lover as well as a friend and is willing to support me through my darkest moments. You have chosen your path so why look back? I have chosen my path and I have no intentions to review my decision.

Nothing has changed my perception of you. I still think you are selfish and uncaring. Though it may be harsh but at least I'm being honest with myself and with you. I know you do read my blog from time to time, but I'm not afraid to speak what I feel. If you have anything that you disagree, you can confront me about it and talk things out. (But I doubt it will ever happen cause I think it's a combination of laziness, and excuses, and Oh-so-can't-be-bothered attitude.)

I can't remember the last time we spoke to each other.
I don't think you can remember that too.

It's easier to keep things this way and head on with life.

Signing off,
PpD